Last week we talked about one form of physical spaciousness, the Cathedral Effect, and how clearing out visual clutter can help set the stage for inspiration. This week, we will talk about a different type of spaciousness: mental spaciousness.
The holidays are full of joy and celebration, but they can also be full of emotional clutter that crowds our sense of mental spaciousness. We have a tendency to overcommit, because it is the holidays. Suddenly the calendar is a blur of parties, performances, and family functions, driven by some mix of FOMO and obligation.
The challenge is that when we build up emotional clutter through overcommitment, it leads to burnout, decision fatigue, and overall exhaustion. Instead of savoring time with family and friends, we find ourselves just trying to get through it.
Popping Your Helium Hand
So where should we start? By popping our own helium hand. Helium hand is that tendency to volunteer, to show up, to say yes to everything. Before you have even registered the question, your hand is already in the air. When emotional clutter is high, we need to begin by noticing and interrupting that automatic yes.
Give Yourself a Delay
If a flat-out “no” is a difficult answer for you, give yourself some space by deferring your decision. You might say, “That sounds like a great event. Let me double-check my calendar to see if I can attend.” The delay gives you a moment to consider your other commitments before adding one more to the list. It also shifts you out of reflex mode and into choice. Mental spaciousness often begins in that small gap between the request and your response.
Ask Yourself Better Questions
You can also create mental spaciousness by asking yourself a few simple questions before you say yes:
- Do I genuinely want to do this?
- Do I have the energy to do it well?
- What will I have to say no to in order to say yes to this?
Including energy and trade-offs in your decision automatically clears some of the clutter. You may still choose to attend, host, or volunteer, but you will be doing it from a place of intention instead of obligation.
Create Time Buffers
Now is also the time of year to build in extra time. That can be as simple as blocking your calendar for open time, or leaving buffers between events and commitments. When your body is not constantly rushing from one thing to the next, your brain does not have to work as hard to keep up.
Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out (Without Guilt)
Sometimes spaciousness is simply giving yourself permission to not perform. In our family, we used to call them “command performances.” It can feel uncomfortable to opt out of the matching pajamas photo or pass on the extended-family brunch, even when you know your energy is already stretched thin.
When that discomfort shows up, it is worth asking: “What am I afraid will happen if I do not perform here?” Often the answer is about other people’s expectations, not your own values. Mental spaciousness grows when your actual values have a little more room than everyone else’s opinions.
Mental Spaciousness ≠ Numbing Out
It is easy to confuse mental spaciousness with numbing out. Binge-watching a show or scrolling your phone can give you a break, but mental spaciousness is less about checking out and more about gently checking back in. It might look like a quiet walk with no podcast playing or ten minutes sitting in your car before going into the party. These small pauses act like opening a window in a crowded room. Nothing dramatic changes on the outside, but suddenly you can breathe again.
Liberate Your Thoughts with a Brain Dump
You can also support mental spaciousness by getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Our minds can start to feel like a browser with many tabs open, each one quietly draining energy. A quick brain dump in a notebook or notes app lets you capture what is swirling around so your mind can shift from holding everything to holding what matters right now.
Spaciousness Makes You a Better Anything
Mental spaciousness is not only a gift to yourself. It affects how you show up for others. When your mind is less cluttered, you listen more fully. You notice the small things: the cousin who suddenly goes quiet at dinner, the friend who seems a little withdrawn, the child who is overwhelmed by all the change in routine. Spaciousness gives you the capacity to be present.
It is also a key ingredient in inspiration. Inspiration rarely arrives when we are racing from task to task on a completely overstuffed schedule. It tends to appear in the in-between spaces: on the drive home, in the shower, in the quiet moments after the guests leave and you are standing in your kitchen with a mug of tea. By intentionally creating more mental space, you increase the chances that those sparks can land instead of getting lost in the noise.
So as you move through this holiday season, consider one small experiment in mental spaciousness. Maybe it is saying “Let me think about it” instead of “Of course.” Maybe it is blocking one evening on your calendar as “do nothing” time and protecting it like you would any important appointment. Or it might be choosing to attend fewer events and be more fully present at the ones you do attend.
Spaciousness does not require you to opt out of joy or connection. It simply invites you to create enough room inside your own mind to actually experience them.