I took a Masterclass last weekend, (finally, after three years of paying for it and having yet to take a class.) I chose Anna Lembke’s class Dopamine: Take Your Brain Back. Dr. Lembke is the author of Dopamine Nation and the Chief of Addiction Medicine at Stanford. I chose that class because I’ve noticed my social media and mobile gaming usage has crept up over the past several months. To the point that I’d be grilling something and as soon as I set a timer, instead of standing by the grill and enjoying the outdoors, I’d pick up my phone to scroll or play a game.
Anna talked about the five signs you have a problem: a friend or loved one comments on your use, the lying habit – you minimize your use, there’s a decline in your mental health (depression, anxiety, irritability), there’s an opportunity cost of not doing something else you value, or you feel a sense of terror at stopping. For me, it’s the opportunity cost of what I could be working on (writing projects, crafting projects, long walks, catching up with friends, the list goes on) and instead I’m spending that time scrolling or gaming. She also spoke about the fact that overabundance is a modern day stressor and that a dopamine deficit state is what drives our craving and compulsive overuse.
So last week, I stopped my constant checking of Threads and Instagram and deleted the mobile games too, the ones I told myself were “just to fill this little bit of time.” I wasn’t chasing some big wellness reset. I just noticed I was reaching for my phone the way you reach for a light switch in a room you’ve walked through a thousand times, without thinking, before I’d even decided I wanted to.
I’ve kept a “digital detox” journal since I quit. Here are a few things I’ve noticed.
There’s a strange sense of relief.
Relief like something had been running in the background of my brain for years, quietly draining the battery, and I’d forgotten it was even on. I’ll just play one more game to beat this level. I need to check on this social media account. Maybe I should buy that product to help my undereye wrinkles. How did that comment sound to the person that posted originally? There was this strange background noise, this desire to be current, to “keep up” with things (even if that’s a toddler on the front of a bike in Scotland).
I’m more productive in some senses, but still able to procrastinate like a champ.
Because I’m not picking up my phone every time I have a break (but the impulse continues), I had no excuse for why I couldn’t go to the gym, or cook a healthy meal, or restart that craft project I’d been working on. I’m reading more, journaling more, taking longer walks with the dog. AND, I can sub all of those things for what I “should be doing in the moment.” It was a good lesson that I can procrastinate, just with healthier options.
I’m far more present and spending more time with people.
I have never been the person that has my phone out when I’m with others (barring my family and we’re on an extended vacation together). But even in the moments when I am sitting and chatting with people, my focus has already begun to extend.
I noticed this most clearly in a one-on-one a few days into the detox. A member was describing a decision he’d been stuck on for weeks, and normally, mid-conversation, some part of my brain would be running its usual second track: is this a good question, am I helping enough, what else is going on here. That day the second track just wasn’t running. I was only listening. And I heard something in what he said that I don’t think I would have caught otherwise, a hesitation in his voice when he mentioned his ops lead, that turned out to be the actual issue underneath the one he’d brought to the table.
In addition to being present, I’m spending more time with people. As a high introvert, it was interesting that a lot of my choices were to hang out more, especially after a busy week of facilitation. And I liked it! Even a party! Because I’m noticing I’m not in my head as much and able to be far more present. I’m having deeper conversations with my friends and my family.
I like this version of me.
I feel my creativity turning back on. My days feel longer and more fulfilling. I’m spending deeply focused time with people I love and care about. My anxiety is dropping, and even when my days are full, they don’t feel rushed. I don’t feel rushed. It’s like the world was spinning pretty wildly on its axis, and now I feel like it’s slowed down enough for me to enjoy it.
I love this for you, D, but what does this have to do with Self-Forgetfulness?
Screen time, phone games, really any type of addiction has us focus inward. It turns up the volume in our heads about whatever is giving us dopamine. It runs as a background soundtrack that distracts us, makes it hard to be present, and makes it hard to get out of our heads. When we’re stuck in our own stuff, we’re far less likely to be able to engage in a state of self-forgetfulness, and as a result, it’s harder for us to access inspiration.
I don’t think the answer is a permanent social media ban. For me, it’s about understanding what the impulses are about and when I do reach for my phone, doing so intentionally. It’s leaning into the person I am when I’m not on my phone, when I’m present and engaged, when my creativity is buzzing. But I am going to say goodbye to those games. This time off has had re-evaluate my ROA – return on attention, and allowing myself time to focus my mind and intention outward, to allow inspiration, connection, and creativity to come inward.